That time again

Last night's shot was kind of weird.

In preparation for each shot I attach a needle to the pen and turn the knob at the pen top clockwise 5 clicks to "dial the dose" to 1 mg, which registers by .2 mg increments on a digital LCD window. If the knob doesn't go all the way to 1 mg that means we are at the end of the cartridge, which I can kind of tell anyway because there is a clear part of the pen through which I get a sense of how much is left. In addition, the plunger that pushes a little bit forward after each injection has a numeric countdown on it, so I can get a sense of how much is left on a daily basis. It's not exact but it gives me an idea.

Anyway, if the dial doesn't go all the way to 1.0 mg I can just inject Genogirl with whatever remains and then change the cartridge the next day. Last night it only dialed to 0.6, which is fine. But when I went to inject her it didn't seem like anything moved. There was still the same amoung of liquid in the window, and the plunger was still in the same place. All the meds seemed to stay in the pen. I played around with it again but everything else was in the correct post-shot position. No idea what that's about.

It's kind of exhausting, always having to face something new and never being quite sure that I'm doing anything right. Well, not never. Some days go just fine. But there's always the possibility of the unknown cropping up, as it did yesterday.

In any case, I need to change the cartridge again today. I am going to call the help line and have someone walk me through it during the day when no one is around and I'm not tired or distracted or anything and see if it goes any better.

The good news is Natasha is taking this all really well. I was touched by how excited she was about getting her new pen covers, which provide "fun" alternatives to the plain color it came with. And saddened. Touched by how well she is incorporating this all into her life, and saddened that it has to be in her life at all. I mean, nothing about this is really very fun. Her excitement at the cool new covers (kittens! hearts! flames!) just underscore what a little kid she is, and it kills me that this has to be something that becomes normal to her and that "pen" covers are something for her to be excited about and look forward to changing. I'm glad for whatever can make it more bearable, but I'm so so sorry that she has to be bearing this at all.

This is one of those times I think I need to go count my blessings.